Neither list, the good or the bad, was easy to compile. It was very difficult to cut movies from the final rankings. For the best of the bads it is very hard to ignore the body of work that Eddie Murphy has compiled this decade (The Adventures of Pluto Nash, Meet Dave). The rise and meteoric fall of Jon Heder (Napolean Dynamite, School for Scoundrels, Blades of Glory). Not to mention the massive budget disasters (Australia, 10,000 BC). And of course the comedians in terrible movies; Steve Martin in The Pink Panther, David Spade in Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, and Bill Murray’s one regret Garfield.
There are some movies I consider atrocious, but for some reason everyone loves them. So I left those off the list, and I will not mention them. Because they do not deserve any more attention… stupid robots and pansy vampires.
Ultimately, I picked most of the movies on this list because I have had misfortune of seeing most of them. If I ever see them again in my life it will because I am being tortured… or paid to do it.
So here it is, my ten best of the bad, in no particular order:
Vanilla Sky
Some foreign films just don’t translate in America. Cultural differences as a Spanish film, but as a Tom Cruise/Cameron Crowe driven American piece? It sucked. And blew. Some parts of the “film” were interesting. For one scene they managed to empty out Times Square. There are some interesting pop culture references that were added to this version, such as the main characters posing like the album cover for “The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan”. Other than that I could not stand this movie, it was drab, dull, and dumb. The mystery is not at all mysterious, the love story seems too shallow. I admit that I am not a Tom Cruise fan, but he was especially painful in some parts of this movie. This version has too much of a shine on it, it doesn’t find a happy balance.
The worst part of it all is, I bought this DVD while on a private tour of Paramount Studios in the gift shop I saw DVDs, being a movie fan I had to buy. I decided to give this American version a shot because I heard very good things about Abre Los Ojos. Of a large and proud Paramount catalog I chose Vanilla Sky, I traded it in after one viewing.
Boat Trip
I think the saddest part of this movie is the fact that Cuba Gooding Jr. is in it. He has had some wonderful parts in Pearl Harbor (a bright spot in an otherwise terrible piece of crap), As Good as it Gets, and an Oscar winning performance in Jerry MacGuire. After those gave rise to his career it was mostly terrible comedies (Snow Dogs, Rat Race) the worst of which being Boat Trip. With the lovable (maybe when he was on SNL?) Horatio Sanz, I only saw this movie on TBS, and even they have standards. So they only ran it for a little bit.
Bill Cosby’s bits about Fat Albert are funny. Especially in his first stand up featuring Fat Albert off of his comedy album “Revenge”. Kenan Thompson is not funny. Especially not as Fat Albert. Way to go Kenan, nice job.
Deuce Bigalo: European Gigalo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYsUSBG0BN4 - any Rob Schneider movie
The original South Park episode: http://www.southparkstudios.com/guide/615
Dear Brad Pitt, you have had some amazing parts in some awesome movies. Your current movie star status has helped boost the selling power of some really great movies. Movies that would otherwise might have gotten lost in the shuffle. For example; Fight Club, Snatch, Twelve Monkeys. I understand that to maintain such a status you need to make bank, so I forgive you. I will probably watch your next movies. Especially if your team up with Sean Penn looks promising in The Tree of Life.
Herbie: Fully Loaded
Lindsay Lohan “acts” and “sings”. Reason enough? The very first movie was cutesy. One of the many live action Disney movies that were decent. Herbie was not the best out of that pack, but it was not terrible. This was, I only saw about three minutes on tv, and that was way too much.
The Squid & the Whale
I have owned this movie. I have returned this movie for money. It helped me buy MC Chris’ album “MC Chris is Dead.” Much more solid investment.
Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector
In the past decade, as in every decade in cinema, good comedians have made bad movies. But in this case, a bad comedian made a bad movie. Or three movies. Or three movies three years in a row. After Health Inspector, there was Delta Farce, and then Witness Protection. Health Inspector is the worst because it’s occasionally on comedy central. And I am mistakenly under the impression that comedy central is supposed to play funny movies and tv shows.
Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
The Indiana Jones series? Awesome. The Indiana Jones series plus an old Indy, a dead Indiana Jones Sr., and Shia LeBouf. Terrible. The one bright spot? Any hint of Shia LeBouf taking over as the new Indy was snarkily destroyed when Harrison Ford denied LeBouf the iconic hat at the end of the movie. That part was cool. I hate Shia LeBouf btw. (Plus this movies was the subject of an awesome South Park parody as well.)
Dr. Seuss movie adaptations have barely tread water this decade. How the Grinch Stole Christmas was tolerable. Horton Hears a Who! was hardly tolerable. The Cat in the Hat was atrocious. It seemed as if Mike Myers was just doing another Austin Powers movie in a cat costume. Most of the jokes were way too adult for any Seuss audience. It was just horrendous. My family went to see this. We would have walked out early, but a trip to the movies is expensive for a family these days. So we got our money’s worth by loudly criticizing it. Yay, precious family bonding moments. P.S. Why are there so many ball jokes in Seuss adaptations? It doesn't seem right.
I hope you enjoyed the list and hate the movies as much as I did. Coming soon my personal ten favorite movies of the past decade.
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